You know that weird loser sitting by himself in the movie theater? That's me. And from the reactions I get when I tell people I do this a lot, you'd think I was skulking around the theater in a trench coat and ski mask. "By yourself!?" they ask. "Don't you have any friends?" Yes and no. The tortuous agony of getting two or more people to decide on anything just isn't worth it. One friend likes cheesy action films; one won't see anything without subtitles. So my solution has been to just ditch the friends. Who needs 'em? It's nice to have someone to discuss the film with afterward, but now with so many movie message boards on the internet, IRL friends are mostly obsolete. Unlike sporting events or concerts, films aren't meant to be a collectively shared medium. Just me versus the bright lights blasting into my head. I don't want you to dampen that experience by asking, "Who's that guy?" or giving me a high five when the villain gets hit in the crotch with a basketball. And let's not get into the sound of you crinkling the popcorn bag. So, if it means I have to trade a cursory bonding experience with you in exchange for a little peace and quiet at the film of my choice, you, dear friends, just aren't going to win out over my real buddies, the Transformers.
Originally published in the Boston Globe.